Meeting Social Expectation is likeasjdhfgjsk

When I was in kindergarten, I go to school to learn, for me to use those learnings when I grow up. Fortunately, blessed with enough intelligence and skills to stand out, I did excel. When I was in Elementary, I go to school to learn, for me to use those learnings when I grow up. Fortunately, blessed with talents, I stood out, I graduated as Salutatorian. And there started such a small amount of expectation from everyone. When I was in High School, I go to school to learn AND to meet such a social expectation. I did not mind it. All I thought about was to study hard, get good grades and graduate as the Valedictorian. Though, pressure was on me, I manage to enjoy my high school by building my passion in leadership and fulfilling myself. Dreams were built. My idealism was in its peek. I graduated as the Valedictorian. And more pressure came from the society. And now that I am in college, I feel like I am not going to school to learn. I go to to school to meet such social expectations. And it's killing me inside.

I feel like society has taken away my freedom. I need to hide myself when I smoke. I need to go somewhere unpopular so that no one will see me drinking. I need to be careful when I go clubbing. I can't involve myself in a same sex relationship.
I need to be prim and proper all the time. I need to study like there's no tomorrow because everyone has built my future. And it's killing me inside.

Well, I am not saying that studying is bad. I am not saying that smoking and drinking is good. What I just want the universe to know is that things are complicated. I did my best. However, this best that I have given had just put me into such dungeon of expectations and pressure. This best has made everyone alert on my mistakes. This best now never let me be myself anymore. This best has put another identity to me. And it's killing me inside.

Until now, I am keeping the status quo. I am still trying to meet such social expectations. I am maybe a coward to set myself free of all chaos. Pray for me that one day, I will find the courage to show to the world the real L.A. I hope that as soon as possible, I will be able to overcome all the expectations and pressure society is giving me. Someday soon, I will find my own track, go to school to learn, practice my passion, plan my own dream---live my own life.

Someday soon.